We Can't Always Win
by TheWriterWhoWaited
Summary: During a nightly patrol, things don't go exactly as planned for Peter. Sometimes heroes can't always win and save the day. One-shot - now a 5 part series.
1. Incident

**I just saw Infinity War last week. I am still hurt by what happened but fanfics have been keeping me afloat. I haven't written any fics in a couple years so it felt nice to write one again even if it is fairly short.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Marvel nor its characters.**

* * *

Peter knew heroes couldn't always win. From his first set of criminals he tried to stop, to Captain America's group in Germany, to those thieves at the bank…he knew it was true. But when he saw a small body lying on the ground after he knocked out the guys that attacked the woman with the kid, it dug a deep hole in his chest.

He was too late.

"Karen…. are they…." His voice faded out as he tried to speak to his suit's A.I. "Any heartbeats?"

The A.I. was silent for a minute, sensing the body nearby. A small helpless figure lying on the ground motionless. The child did take a lot of hits from the older men. How could anyone do that to any kid? Humans, that's who. People are unpredictable and can hurt anyone in their path no matter who they are drunk, sober, or anything.

"No heartbeat detected," Karen said finally. Her voice wasn't as robotic as it usually is during fights, but softer. Peter closed his eyes. Far behind him he could hear sirens heading his way. Crouching down, he itched to take off his mask in hope it wasn't real. Not only did he see a kid laying still on the concrete but he also saw his Uncle Ben. Except no one was there for the little kid, cradling him, crying out for help. Beside him laid what Peter assumed to be the kid's mother. They're both gone.

All Peter could do was open his eyes and stare numbly at the bodies, waiting for some form of movement as he wasted in a state of denial. Should he tell Happy this during his nightly patrol updates? Tell Mr. Stark?

His breath froze. He was back on top of the building facing Mr. Stark after the ferry incident back in the beginning of the school year. Tony said if anyone died it would be on _Peter._ It was _his_ fault because he wasn't doing the right thing, making sure the kid and the woman was okay, taking them somewhere else for safety before knocking out the others. He didn't say anything to the kid especially even when they were thrown to the ground, head smacking on the pavement.

He was too caught up in the adrenaline of kicking ass. Too excited to tell Happy he fought off three guys that night that were 2x his size and saved two people. God, he was so _reckless._

Taking a deep breath, Peter stood back up and walked toward the child. Barely six years old the boy laid on the ground, his green eyes staring up at Peter. Empty. Lifeless. Kneeling down, Peter closed the boy's eyes. He looked at the woman again, glad that her eyes were closed. But his heart was withering away as he noticed her hand was stretched out toward the boy.

"I'm so sorry."

Only twenty minutes beforehand did he hear the boy screaming from the roof of a building nearby. The mother was already on the ground as the three men advanced toward the kid. Peter jumped down onto the first one, knocking him out before shooting webs at the others, making them swing into each other.

Just as the police arrived, Peter shot a web up to a nearby pole and disappeared. He swung around the city until he found his apartment building up on the roof. He rolled onto it as his legs gave out and laid there, looking up at the sky. He wanted to take his mask off, but he left it on. He could feel a few tears stream down his cheeks within the mask. He couldn't tell Mr. Stark about this. Not yet anyway. How would he even bring it up? How would Mr. Stark even react? All Peter could imagine was the disappointment in his mentor's eyes.

Another failure for the books in the tales of the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. He hated it how the failures always weighed on him more than the successes. His wins seemed to fade away after a couple of days but his losses sunk into him, never shaking from his head.

Karen's voice cut through his thoughts. "Incoming call from Tony Stark."

Peter's eyes widened as he sniffled. "Wait no -!"

"Hey, Peter," Tony's voice piped up as the screen in his mask revealed his face, sitting somewhere in the compound Peter assumed. "How ya holding up?"

Of all the times Tony could call and check up on Peter, it was always the worse possible scenarios where Peter did not want to talk to him. "Um, I'm doing alright. I – I had just stopped a couple of criminals criminaling, you know." He flinched at how is voice cracked at the end.

This sparked Tony's interest. "You okay, kid? Was it a tough one?"

"Yeah it was."

"You'll make it through. No matter what happened you did your best."

"Thanks, Mr. Stark," Peter said with a small smile although knowing it didn't help his guilt. "I'm feeling better now. Just small things had happened that uh…messed with me."

Tony sighed. " Just don't let it stick with you for too long. We can't always win some fights. Like I said, you did your best."

But did he? Did he try his best?

Oh god. That did it. Peter kept back a sob as he saw the kid and his mother appear in his head again. _We can't always win some fights._ This wasn't just a normal fight with knocking some guys out and webbing their arms together and call it a night. This was a night that in the back of his mind he hoped wouldn't happen during his patrols.

"Peter?"

Peter swallowed. "Uh I have to do homework now, Mr. Stark. I have been kind of pushing it off for a while. I'll – I'll give you updates tomorrow."

Tony's brows furrowed. "Wait, Pete-"

Peter ended the call before Tony could finish. That was something Peter had been trying to work on not doing since it had happened so often. He tried to push this stab of guilt off his shoulder and went down to his window. Crawling through his window, he closed it and dropped on the bed. He peeled his mask off and let the tears flow. Tomorrow will be a better day.


	2. Aftermath

**This was originally going to be a oneshot but I decided to expand it after** Ptopes15 **commented and asked if there was going to be more (Thank you by the way for the comment!). I've been reading some stuff with the negative impacts that being Spider-Man had on Peter and I wanted to expand on the first part I wrote. I hope you like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Marvel nor its characters.**

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The next day was not a better day. Nor the week after that. The more days passed, the less Peter looked forward to his patrols as Spider-Man. Every time he pulled on the mask, he flinched, his brain bringing back the images of the bodies.

Eventually the patrols got shorter. Instead of being out till dark, just before dinner, Peter returned home two hours after school ended. He stopped a couple robberies, helped out an old couple across the street and, stopped some bullies. He felt… _numb._ Peter couldn't quite exactly explain the feeling except knowing his body was moving on auto-pilot as his mind was in a fog. Going through the motions of dodging fists, swinging from the buildings. The rush that the wind in his ears and the breeze he could feel through his suit gave him wasn't there. Well, it _was,_ but it felt like nothing.

As per usual, he gave Happy updates on all that he has done. Peter tried to give that enthusiastic voice in the messages, getting excited over something so small because he was helping people. He loved helping people. It was one of the reasons why he enjoyed being Spider-Man so much. He could help people without anyone knowing who he was. It was freeing. It was exhilarating. Even when he tore apart the ferry, got a building dropped on him (he still has nightmares about that), and crash landing on a bench on top of a plane, for some reason this one incident blew out the flame that had kept going through all those events.

Maybe it was a buildup of all them.

He had nightmares about the building falling on top. They weren't very frequent but every couple of weeks the nightmares were resurface and since the incident with the boy and mother, it got worse.

Instead of just the building falling on top of him, he was standing afar _watching_ the building fall on top of the mother and boy and _watching_ the cement kill them on impact. The sound intensified in his ears and he could feel the dust swarming around him as he tried to get to them only for more cement to fall on _him._ Sometimes it was the opposite of him stuck in the rubble only to see the two be killed from afar and no matter how much he struggled to move, the cement wouldn't budge. Other times instead of the mother and boy it would be his Uncle Ben or his parents. Those nightmares were the worst of all.

He had a vague memory of what his parents looked like. He knew they died in a plane crash after they dropped him off at Ben and May's. In his dreams, they were based off that vague memory mixed with that they might have looked like now, older, grayer.

In the middle of the night he would wake up, sweat coating his body, his chest heaving. The nightmares felt so real. Luckily, he never woke his Aunt May up. She was furious and scared after she found out he was Spider-Man and if she found out he also had _nightmares_? That would be the end of it.

Tony hadn't contacted him since that night. Or at least Peter didn't _think_ he did. Karen never informed him, he always had his phone stashed away in his bag as his mind was in a continuous fog. During Decathlon practice, his answered were delayed as Michelle, the new captain, had to keep grabbing his attention.

"Peter," she snapped, her eyebrows drawn together. "What's the answer?"

 _Answer to what?_ Peter thought. He didn't even hear anything, let alone notice she said something. Which was odd for him considering his enhanced senses. _Very odd._

Ned nudged his arm. "Hey, are you okay? You've been out of it since we started."

Peter blinked, the world coming back into focus. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said. In a lower voice he told his friend, "just thinking about new web formulas and stuff."

Ned was the next one to frown. "Didn't you already create some new ones last week?"

"Yes, but there are some…issues. Especially with the cartridges and stuff. They keep – "

"Can we get back to practice?" Michelle said from her seat at the head of the table. Everyone fell silent and looked uncomfortable as they stared at Peter.

At this point Peter didn't know if he even wanted to put the suit on afterward.

He didn't end up wearing the suit. Instead, he walked around the city, not bothering to use the subway. He needed to think.

It was particularly warm for the spring time. The sun shined down as the sky was clear. A lot of people were out bustling around. He came to regret walking, being surrounded by a lot of people. It felt suffocating. He sucked it up though and carried on, putting his headphones in his hears with music to drown out the stimuli of the outside world.

His music was cut out by his phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out to read the caller ID.

 _Tony Stark._

Was he going to answer it?

Why did he decide to call now after almost two weeks?

Peter pressed the red button and slipped his phone back in his pocket, his chest feeling tight and heavy. Guilt settled on top of it.

 _Why did he just do that?_


	3. Mr Stark

**I want to give a huge thank you for everyone who has followed, favorited, and/or reviewed! It made me so happy when I saw the notifications on my email! I outlined this to be five parts or maybe a bit more depending on how it goes. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Marvel nor its characters.**

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Tony was having the usual problem of no sleep. Many things are keeping him up such as wedding plans, Avengers issues, and Peter Parker. The kid from Queens really grew on him ever since Germany even after the slip-ups he had made regarding the Vulture back in September. In fact, he hadn't heard from Peter in a while so he decided to call him one afternoon.

Let's just say it was awkward. Or at least for _him._ Peter said he had a hard time with some criminals and Tony tried to give the kid the best advice he could offer: we can't always win. After Peter abruptly ended the call, Tony mentally kicked himself for saying that. There could have been thousands of other ways to give the kid reassurance and he probably chose the worst one to offer.

Tony wanted to call back, to check on him. The last time Peter ended the call fast was during the ferry incident. He looked on the news, even had FRIDAY give any updates from KAREN over the next few days, but there was nothing worthwhile that caught his attention.

Running his hand down his face, Tony swiveled around in his chair in the workshop. He had been up the whole night working on his nanotech for a suit that would be enclosed in a single device he could wear on his shirts. He hadn't told Pepper yet, knowing she wouldn't be thrilled about the idea of him carrying a suit _everywhere_. But he didn't care. Something inside him told him something was going to go wrong soon and he _needed_ something with him at all times. Also, the compound sometimes felt lonely. He needed something to do.

"Sir, Mr. Hogan is calling," FRIDAY, Tony's new A.I. said over the music. Sometimes, Tony missed Jarvis. Jarvis was with him through a lot of stuff starting way before he became Iron Man, but then Ultron happened and now he was part of Vision – whom he had not seen in a long while.

"Okay answer it." Tony sat up, clearing his throat to hear whatever his friend had to report. "What's going on, Happy? Any updates from the kid?"

There was a pause on the other end. Happy had been appointed to watch over Peter in the city with getting updates and making sure he didn't get to any trouble. The silence made Tony uneasy. "Actually, I haven't and that's why I called. I was wondering if you heard anything from him."

"When did he last call?"

"Three days ago, Tony," Happy said, "Ever since then I got nothing. He didn't sound the same either. The kid is usually perky and excited but his voice sounded bored."

 _Bored?_ Tony shook his head. Peter couldn't be _bored._ Well, unless he was itching to do any Avengers missions. But that usually resulted in a spam of texts and calls to either Tony or Happy. "I got nothing on my end."

"Do you think something happened?"

Tony was stiff. Billions of scenarios sped through his mind. Peter was dead. Peter was kidnapped. Peter was injured and slowly dying somewhere… "I don't know. I'll take care of it. Thanks, Hap."

"No problem."

Once the call ended, Tony stood up. He paced the room to calm down his nerves. "FRIDAY call Peter Parker."

He stared at the screen with a photo of Peter's face on it as it rang. Eventually it went to voicemail. _What the hell?_ "Hey, Peter, it's Tony. Just wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing. Call me back." Tony hardly left anyone voicemails, thought they were pointless. For some reason, he felt it was right to leave Peter one.

"FRIDAY contact May Parker," He said aloud, his eyes focused on the screen in front of him. When May answered, she sounded curious. He never called her, of course, so he couldn't blame her. When he asked about Peter, she said he was doing fine and was actually catching up on homework at the moment. Apparently, he came home earlier than usual and told his aunt that he wanted to balance his time better. This caused suspicion to Tony.

"Why what's going on?" May asked, her voice lowering.

"Uh," Tony tried to come up with something to say that wouldn't freak her out, "just wondering. You know, caring about the kid's wellbeing and making sure his grades are up and everything."

This didn't fool her. "Did you do something? Did _he_ do something? Because if anything happened I swear to god – "

"No, nothing happened. Just trying to check up on the kid and see how he is doing," he quickly answered. May Parker did not like Tony Stark that much. After she found out about Peter being Spider-Man, she was _definitely_ not a fan anymore knowing he was endangering her nephew with giving him a suit and supporting him going into dangerous situations. Tony tried to argue that he was against any dangerous situations, but May didn't hear it. For about two hours she cursed him out on the phone. It took a while for her to trust him, mostly for Peter's sake and safety. She eventually thanked him for providing Peter with a safer suit and keeping an eye out for him. Of course, however, something would cause the anger or fear to rise again. He couldn't blame her though. She she vocalized is what he internalized with any fear regarding the young kid's safety and choices.

After calming May down, Tony went to KAREN. He pulled up her updates, searching through video feeds and anything that looked suspicious. But there was hardly anything. In fact, there wasn't much in general to look at as the days got shorter when Peter wore the suit. Eventually he couldn't find anything on the past few days.

His first instinct was to talk to Pepper, but she was out of town for meetings. She would know what to say and give a logical reasoning compared to what ran through his mind at that moment. Maybe the kid just needed some space, a break maybe to catch up on his schoolwork and social life (mostly with his best friend Ned, that is). Wait a few more days and see what happens, maybe he would wear the suit again and return back to normal –

In the middle of the night a few days later, he got an alert from FRIDAY coming from Peter's suit. It wasn't good news.


	4. Suit

**This next part is a lot longer than the previous ones. What Peter experiences in this is similar to what happens to me so I hope someone else can relate and that I did it justice. I apologize for any grammar errors that _might_ be sprinkled around. I wanted to get it up by this weekend so I kind of quickly edited. Also, I wanted to go more in depth on some things but since this was originally a one-shot, I decided to just keep it a bit short. **

**The next part after this will be the last. At least if I allow myself to just end it there. Sometimes my brain has other ideas on what it wants to do with a story.**

 **Thank you SO SO SO much to everyone who has either reviewed, followed, or favorited this! So far this story has 9 reviews, 13 favorites, and 31 followers! 31! I'm still shocked every time I get a notification on this story and it really warms my heart. I would also love to hear more of your thoughts!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Spider-Man or any other Marvel characters.**

* * *

Tonight, he decided to put on the suit again. After a long day at school and a decathlon practice, he stood in an alley, holding his mask in his hand as his backpack laid at his side. For a while now Ned had been nagging at him to why he hasn't been spotted as Spider-Man in a while or if Tony Stark took away the suit again.

"No," he had answered as they sat at the lunch table. Peter picked at his food as he still debated on whether or not to wear the suit again. Will he have to watch someone die again? Despite how many criminals he could stop, how many would get away that he didn't know existed?

Ned narrowed his eyes and looked at Peter and then his food. "Hey, are you okay? You've been acting weird for a while now."

Quickly, Peter picked up his drink and took a sip. He shook his head, faking his best to look casual. "What? No, I haven't. Maybe it's been the lack of sleep I've been getting, you know, from staying up all night being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man by stopping crime. If – if I _have_ been acting weird – which I'm _not."_

"If you say so," Ned said, not believing his friend. At that, the subject changed which was a relief to Peter. They had started to talk about some tests coming up in their classes which some they shared.

However, that first conversation stuck with him as he continued to look at his mask, his body angled to hide it from anyone who might see it. _He had to do it. The city needs Spider-Man._ He _might even need Spider-Man._ He took a deep breath. Closed his eyes for a few seconds even.

He can do this. He can wear the suit and everything will be alright. _Come on, Spider-Man._

Looking down at his backpack beside him, he reached down to take out the rest of the suit.

One thing he had missed was the view. One he had put the suit on, he swung up to the top of an office building. It wasn't exactly a skyscraper, but it did give a good enough view of everything from the small parks to the glistening lights as the sun had set. With the wind whistling in his ears (well technically through the suit he could feel it or at least the pressure), he actually felt at peace. For once he didn't think of the mother and child. He didn't think of Uncle Ben. He was just Peter Parker – Spider-Man – relaxing on a roof. Maybe he could do some of his homework since he brought his backpack with him.

But of course, that changed when he caught the sound of someone yelling. It was nearby, a couple blocks away. His heart seized. _Should he check it out? Stay?_ No, he couldn't stay. He had to choose the first option because of course that was his duty and mainly why he got the suit in the first place. To help people. To stop the bad guys.

The webbed his backpack onto the roof to have it stay in place before jumping over the edge. His arms were spread wide before he shot a web onto a nearby building and swinging toward the yelling he had heard.

They were a group of teenagers, probably a few years older than him. From his position, creeping alongside a wall peering down at them, it was three against two. He couldn't make out much of what they said, as their words were all jumbled together to where even his enhanced hearing couldn't decipher them. He surveyed the scenes, checking if anyone else was with them.

The argument was heated, the three ganging up on the smaller two teenagers for some reason. Peter picked up a few words: girlfriend, cheating, and maybe a game console? Whatever it was, the guys eyes were filled with fury, especially the middle one who stood a few inches taller than the others with short cropped blond hair and a hoodie on, spitting in one of the shorter one's face. The shorter teen didn't look scared as Peter would have in that situation. He looked bored, as if he expected the other to get into his face. A winter hat was placed on his head, low enough to where it hided his eyebrows as his dark eyes drooped.

Peter might have left if the blond hadn't swung his fist. In that instant, Peter shot a web out, and swung down, shooting another in the guy's hand to swing it back into his own face. He yelled as Peter landed and rolled, strolling toward them.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but I don't think hitting the guy would get your point across," Peter said. The blond glowered down at him, blood dribbling down his nose.

"What the fuck are you doing here, insect?" The guy sneered.

Peter held back a snort. "Actually, I'm an _arachnid- "_

"I don't give a fuck this isn't your conversation!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think conversations normally involve violence, especially if it's one-sided."

Peter stood off to the side as the two others with the blond gaped at him. "Oh my god, you're Spider-Man!" One shouted.

With a grunt, the blond threw another punch but in Peter's direction and with a sigh he dodged it. "I was hoping I could mediate this for you guys, but this guy doesn't seem to want that."

Then they all attacked as they watched their friend get hit again. Peter casually webbed them all, making them knock into each other as the two smaller teens stood off to the side. The one still continued to look bored. The fight didn't last long and at the end, the teens thanked him.

"You're pretty cool, you know that?" the teen with the hat said. "We missed you swinging around here. Been busy?"

Peter swallowed. "Oh yeah. Just personal things." He decided that was an acceptable answer because he wasn't wrong.

The teen nodded. "I hope everything is going alright for you," he said as he looked at the others lying around them, his eyes sad. "I know things haven't been good for me.

"I- I'm sorry to hear that," Peter managed to say before he had to clear his throat. "But uh, I'm not good at advice, but things will get better. They have to."

After giving Peter a small smile, the teen said, "Thanks, Spider-Man. My brother would have loved to meet you. You were his favorite hero."

"Were?" Peter didn't mean to say that out loud. In fact, he meant to leave after the crappy advice he gave to give a cool exit, but the teen's words made him freeze.

"Yeah," he said. He looked to his friend who remained emotionless. "He and my mom died not too long ago. They were murdered."

 _Oh god._

 _Oh god._

 _Oh god._

Peter didn't remember what he told the guy – or even if he said anything at all – but he got away fast and went back to the roof. He pulled off his mask, his chest tight as the realization hit him. _Oh god. He was the brother of that kid who died – the kid he failed to save. He failed to save his mom too. Oh god oh god oh god –_

Running his hands through his hair, he pulled on the ends as he fell to the ground his shoulders hunching as the images flashed back into his mind. _Why didn't he just let them be? Why did he have to leave this roof? But if he hadn't the same could have happened to that kid as well. He could have died too. It would have been Peter's fault too. Spider-Man's fault. And the night he tried to go out again this happened._ The only answer within that second was to never wear the suit again. In reality Peter knew he would never go through with that, but it seemed logical. It clicked in his head that was how he could solve things.

Within what felt like seconds, he was back in his room, stuffing the suit away into his closet, making sure it was hidden under a pile of clothes he hadn't touched in a few weeks and then flopped onto his bottom bunk. He could feel his sweat soak his t-shirt he threw on as the images kept playing over. The bodies lying on the ground. The eyes. The older brother.

Now his Uncle Ben.

He muffled a sob. More than ever did he want to just cry, scream, anything to help get through the pain, but he didn't want to disturb Aunt May. Instead he swallowed every emotion down, only letting a few tears roll down his cheeks.

The next morning, Aunt May noticed how tense he was. "Is everything alright?" She asked as they sat quietly at the table, each eating a bowl of cereal. She had the day off otherwise he wouldn't have seen her that morning. Inside Peter wished she had worked so she wouldn't see him and wouldn't ask questions.

"Yeah everything is alright. I'm just a little stressed about the upcoming decathlon meet and some tests. Having them all sort of happen around the same week kind of sucks."

She nodded and took a bite of her frosted flakes and chewed. "Is that why you haven't been out as Spider-Man lately?"

"Oh yeah," Peter nodded. "I decided to, you know, catch up on some homework and study a little. Spider-Man has been cutting into some of my homework time. I need to focus again so my GPA can remain high. Um, we're supposed to start looking at colleges next year."

Aunt May nodded again. He hated when all she did was nod and not say anything for a while. They continued to eat their cereal in silence before she spoke up. "God, I can't believe the idea of college is so close. First the SATs and then applications…" She looked at him. "You're growing up."

"Aunt May please don't start– "

She ruffled his hair as she began to ramble. "I remember when you were still a little boy and all of your Legos scattered around the apartment. Ben always got so angry when he accidentally stepped on them all the time. Although I do have to admit I had strategically placed them around the place because he got on my nerves a few times." Her voice got quiet. "I miss him a lot."

"I do too. All the time," Peter said, grabbing her hand that was tightly wrapped around her spoon. Silence filled the room again as they sat there. Peter's phone vibrated on the table and he picked it up to see it was a message from Ned.

 _Where are you?_ It said.

 _Crap._ He was supposed to meet up with Ned today to walk to school. He stood up from the table and took his bowl to the sink, but not before grabbing Aunt May's after she asked him too. "I have to go. Ned is waiting for me."

"Okay, Peter." Aunt May said, standing up from the table as Peter grabbed his bag. She pulled him into a hug. "I'm so proud of you and I wanted you to know that okay? You're an amazing kid and I'm proud to be your aunt."

Peter gave her a small smile. "Thanks, May. I'm glad you're my aunt. The cool aunt thank god."

She rested a hand to her chest. "Oh good. I was worried for a while I wasn't a cool one."

They busted out laughing. He was glad she became calm and relaxed, something that was hard for her to do ever since Ben died, but he still noticed she was still on edge. As he left he could feel her eyes on him. Worried and concerned eyes that would only lead to more questions later on if he wasn't going to be 100% honest with her.

Much to his surprise, May didn't ask any more questions. She still acted strange around him though, carefully watching his expressions and his actions every time he was home. He himself wasn't getting better though that could ease May's silent worrying. At night, he had to wear his headphones to block out any noise. Sometimes he would play calming music from YouTube in order to fall asleep. Sometimes it would help and he can sleep for the whole night but most often he would get nightmares. They were the same thing about each death he has witnessed and they were starting to morph into deaths about those alive around him. His nightmares started to include Aunt May, Ned, Michelle, Mr. Stark, Liz (who he hasn't seen since she moved), even Captain America. All of them died in his dreams. Each time they were lying on the ground, their blood in a pool around them as they stared up at Peter.

All he was able to do in the dreams was to just _stare_ at them. He couldn't speak, close his eyes, move away, try to dream of something else. When he woke up he would be drenched in sweat as he hyperventilated, the music loud in his ears. He would tear the headphones off, sometimes breaking them to where he had to get new ones a couple of times, and fall off his bed to get away from his sheets. The cool air from the floor would help calm him as well as the light from the moon from his window. But it would take hours to calm down enough to climb back into bed and force himself to fall asleep again hoping he wouldn't dream anything else.

One night he had a brutal nightmare about Ned again. His best friend since he was a kid who was there through everything and even stuck with him after he found out Peter was Spider-Man. His "Guy in the Char" who had his back and vice versa; dead again. Instead of laying on the floor and going through his normal process of calming down before trying to sleep again, he stumbled into his closet and reached for the very thing that he had been trying to avoid all this time.

After pulling on his suit, he climbed out the window and went to his favorite spot on top of this one building with a small ledge across from the bank and Delmar's. He missed the old version of Delmar's but after the fire it had been renovated a bit. He'd admit it looked more spacious in the store but he felt guilty every time he went in there because of the reason why it had to be renovated in the first place: him.

The familiar feeling of his heart clenching happens again. It is like a jolt that sends him into a whirl of emotions. With his enhanced senses, everything that he experienced was amplified more than it would have been if he was still a normal teenager. His chest heaved as he struggled to get some air in as his mind raced, everything blurring around him. The noise in the city grew too much that he clamped his hands over his ears. The suit managed to filter only so much noise out and even with his hands covering his ears there was still all too much. He quickly shot a web out to the flat roof of some random building. He stumbled onto it and fell to his knees, but didn't bother to take off the mask no matter how much he wanted to. People would be able to see him and he didn't want any repercussions from that.

He could hear KAREN say something to him in the mask but he couldn't process it. Eventually he laid down, his hands still covering his ears. When he left his room, he was alright again. Swinging around helped calm him and even let him not think of anything for a while besides where he would go next.

After a few minutes, he managed to get his breathing under control. Lifting his hands away from his ears he took a deep breath and looked at the sky above him, everything in his sight clear and peaceful. Due to light pollution, not many stars could be seen in the sky. But seeing just five of them scattered around and twinkling down at him helped.

Something landed on the roof behind him but he didn't sit up. Instead, he continued to lay and stare up at the sky until he heard someone call his name. His _real_ name.

"Peter?"


	5. Confession

**This is the last part, folks! Thank you so much for following, favoriting, and reviewing this short story. I'm so happy that you enjoyed it!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Marvel characters or any rights to anything Marvel.**

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5

Peter instantly recognized the voice. It belonged to one of his biggest idols. It belonged to his _mentor:_ Tony Stark. A part of him wanted to turn around instantly and ramble on about something exciting to the billionaire but a larger part new there was nothing to even say. What could he even say?

"Kid, you alright?" Tony asked again, remaining in his spot.

Peter could feel the worried eyes on him but he still didn't budge. He did, however, manage to say something. "Hey, Mr. Stark," he said with a quiet voice, head lowered as he traced the lines across his arm on the suit. He didn't mean for his voice to come off that weak and he grimaced once it did.

Slowly, Tony approached the young hero. His metal boots of his suit clanged against the cement roof that masked his racing heart that hadn't settled down since FRIDAY sent him an alert. "I got an alert from FRIDAY about your suit. Your vitals went haywire for a bit."

 _Crap,_ Peter thought. _Maybe the suit wasn't the greatest idea when he had those nightmares and tried to cool off._ "Oh," he replied. "I'm alright now."

"Bad dream?"

"Something like that." He didn't give his mentor any more than that.

Tony sighed and stepped out of the suit before standing beside Peter. "I noticed you haven't your suit in quite a while. That's uncharacteristic of you."

"Maybe I'm getting bored of it," Peter mumbled. _Bored? He could never get bored._ He mentally cursed at himself. Maybe it's because he doesn't know whether he should continue to be Spider-Man or not and if the world really needs him. Of course, he couldn't say that to Mr. Stark. Not yet anyway.

" _Bored?"_ Tony said in disbelief. "I never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth." He waited for Peter get defensive, but the kid remained silent. Tony sighed and sat down next to Peter. He needed some way to get the kid to talk. That night wasn't the right moment especially in the mood he was in and didn't want to make Peter feel worse. "You should come up to the compound tomorrow. I can show you some more tricks with your suit that you haven't used before. How does that sound?"

Inside, all Peter could feel was his heart racing, a panic surging through him but he kept his composure calm. He made sure to make his eyes widen in excitement. "Really? Because- because that would be so cool and I have been working on some new web formulas I wanted to show you!" Keeping his eyes wide and his voice high, he turned to Tony who looked somewhat…confused? Was it confusion?

Tony had his eyes narrowed, mostly planning on how he would approach a sensitive topic about some things the kid might experience as being a vigilante (at least from what he assumed because why else would Peter acted the way he was?). "Alright. I'll have Happy pick you up tomorrow at noon. You better be awake when he gets there," he said.

"I will!" Peter nodded eagerly as best as he could. One thing he knew that Tony hopefully didn't was that hardly ever slept anymore so sleeping in was the least of his worries. Inside his insides were twisting at the thought of Tony knowing about his sleeping habits and passing the information onto Aunt May.

God, she did not need to know that. She did not have to put even more stress on herself by worrying even more than she does as he goes out as Spider-Man. And if she knew what some of the nightmares were, and that he had actually experienced them in real life, that would be the end of it. It would be game-over as Spider-Man and he would probably never see Tony ever again.

After Aunt May had a long discussion over the phone outlining the day's plans at the Avengers compound with Tony, Peter left the apartment. Happy picked him up exactly at noon and Peter rushed down the stairs of the apartment building to meet him.

It wasn't long before they arrived at the compound. The sight of the main building and the others sprinkled across the grassy area still took Peter's breath away as it had the first time. No quinjets took off this time. It was pretty quiet for a Saturday afternoon. Tony stood outside of the main doors at the bottom of the stairs. He was fixing the sleeves on the jacket he wore as Happy pulled up and parked. Pushing up his signature glasses, Tony gave them both a smile as they exited the car.

"Hey, Spider-boy," Tony greeted as Peter approached him.

Peter gave him a tight smile. "You mean Spider- _Man."_

"I said that, didn't I?" Tony turned to Happy.

Happy looked between the two. "You sure did, boss."

"See? I said it right. Now c'mon inside to see these new additions for your suit and you can show me that new web formula."

The three headed up the stairs and inside the building. Despite it being fairly cool outside, Peter felt the relief of the cold air inside hitting him. He didn't feel the light coat of sweat on his forehead until then. Whether it's from his anxiety or the weather he didn't know.

None of the Avengers were around as far as Peter could tell. Before he could ask, Tony mentioned how they were all in the training facility next door kicking each other's asses (his words) after they had some trouble on some minor mission a few days prior that he sat out on. Tony left out the part that he sat out because of how much he was worried about Peter.

Once they entered the workshop, Tony paused at the table covered in scrap metal that he had yet to use his new suit and for Peter's. The doors closed behind Peter as he took in the entire room, his eyes lighting up at all the suits on one wall and scrap everywhere else. He could imagine all the things that could be built and that he could mess with to create something that he would be able to use whether for personal or superhero life.

"This is amazing," Peter said.

Tony took a deep breath and turned around. He leaned on the table and crossed his arms. "Peter, I want to talk to you about something."

Peter narrowed his eyebrows. "Is this about the whole Avengers thing with me turning it down because I can- "

Tony waved his hand. "No, it's not about that. It's about the fact you haven't worn your suit much within the last few weeks. Also, it's about how you never messaged Happy, and not only hung up on me once but _ignored_ one of my calls not long after. Look, I don't care about you not answering but you never did message me anything either. You left us in the dark, Peter."

In that moment Peter's heart dropped into his stomach. He could feel his intestines twisting around the heart and constricting it as it tried to pump blood. It began to feel hot in the room and he no longer liked being in there. 'Um – I'm – "

"Is something going on, Peter? Is there a bully at school tormenting you again? Family troubles? I know you're enhanced but maybe sick?"

"No, no it's none of those," Peter choked out. His lips were pressed in a thin line and he avoided Tony's eyes. "It's none of those." _Oh god oh god oh god oh god. This is why he wanted to bring him to the compound to corner and ask questions about what happened on the roof._

"I even called Aunt May," Tony continued. "She said you wanted to focus more on your homework and social life which isn't a bad thing at all because if it is that, you could have mentioned it. I want to make sure you're alright, kid, and if you need a break from Spider-Man to focus on school more, which I advise, you can say that."

He has to tell Tony. If he agreed to wanting to focus more on school and his grades end up slipping it could lead into a large web of lies he wouldn't know how to untangle himself from. "It's not that either," Peter began. He took a few more steps toward Tony, now standing in the middle of the space between the billionaire and the door. "Something – something happened one night."

Tony's face fell at Peter's words. The kid looked close to tears as he stared at him. "What happened?"

"There was a group of guys and they were circling around this woman and her kid. It was getting pretty scary so when things got violent I tried to intervene but – but –" the next few words wouldn't come out of his mouth. They sat there on his tongue mocking him.

"Peter."

A few tears slipped down Peter's face and he quickly wiped them away, turning away from Tony ashamed. "I couldn't save them. Things got messy and – and – then the woman was on the ground so I tried to protect the kid but it was too late. I don't know what happened. I _should_ have been able to take them out with no problem. Why didn't I? Why didn't I take them all out to where the two walked away safely and went back home or something?" He sucked in some air. "And now I can't sleep because I have these nightmares of that night repeating over and over again and sometimes they change into Ned, Aunt May, you, MJ, Uncle Ben, Liz, just _everyone._ And all I can do is just watch and let it happen.

And then there was one night where I stopped some fight between some guys around my age and guess who was one of them? The _son_ of the mother I couldn't save."

As Peter rambled on, Tony was at a loss for words. Peter was so closed off but he just broke open and spilling all the thoughts on his conscience into the room. It clicked though as he went through all of the data from Peter's suit and what he was saying. How did he not think of this? Why did he think of every possibility _except_ something happening while the kid was out on patrol? Peter was a smart and strong kid. Maybe that's why Tony never thought of it because he would know what he should not get into. Or at least that's what he hoped after the past year.

When Peter was done, he was crying. The tears he had been trying to hold back just fell and fell down his face. He pressed the palms of his hands on his eyes to try to stop any more from forming but it wouldn't work. He felt Tony embrace him into a hug to help calm him. Prying his hands away from his eyes, Peter returned the embrace and cried more.

 _God, he was crying in front of Iron Man. And Iron Man had to comfort him. He was so pathetic._

But maybe he wasn't pathetic. He was just stressed and in pain because of how not only how traumatic the incident was, but of how it closely mirrored Uncle Ben's death. "You don't have to bottle this all up, kid. We all experience stuff like this and we understand what it's like. You don't have to face it alone. The Avengers are here for you."

Peter backed up and looked at Tony. He felt so small with telling Tony everything but after what his mentor said, he felt better.

 _The Avengers are here for you._

The Avengers are a team and he was technically an Avenger, right? Teammates have each other's backs. They have his back. He will get through this and cope. He will accept it and tuck it in a safe place.

After a few moments of silence, Tony cleared his throat. "So, who's going to tell Aunt May about all of this?"

the end


End file.
